Silver Precursor
by Lightning Ink
Summary: If the sky's the limit, let's take the fight to the high orbit, beyond the limit of man and machine. Beyond that of Guardian and Bio-Mech, to the realm of the gods. Are you ready? K1Bell, Other parings undecided. No NAR Parings. Offical Guardian Prequel.


I don't own Ah! My Goddess or Naruto. I, however, do own all OCs and their respective techniques, plus all non-canon things. This is the first and last of the disclaimers.

Prologue

"Uh… I'd like a goddess…"

"Go on…"

"like you…"

"All right."

"To stay by my side forever." He managed to blurt out.

"Huh?"

"Uh, ah, That was rude, even if you were a goddess… I shouldn't have said that. After all, I just met you."

* * *

"Fire the starboard thrusters!"

"Too late, sir. Brace for impact."

"IT'S TOO LATE! BRACE FOR IMPACT!"

"It's too late to apologize… it's too late-"

"SHUT UP, NARUTO!"

The captain would have yelled more, but at that moment, the failing shields grazed the asteroid, causing them to power down completely, exposing the hull to murderous plasma, laser, and obibital fire.

"Hull integrity is at seventy-five percent and falling. Fifty percent. Superstructure reaching critical tensile point. Forty percent. Antimatter Fusion Reactor shutting down. Core Cannons offline. Twenty-five percent. All personnel, evacuate immediately. Ten percent. Artificial Gravity offline. Armor plating buckling. Venting Atmosphere. Five… Four… Three… Two… One… I highly recommend going to internal oxygen… Zero." **BOOM!**

* * *

Josh sighed and leaned back against his chair, the remnants of a protein shake in his hands. "Every single time I do this, I get vaporized... what the hell am I doing wrong?"

**SLURP! SLURP! SLURP!**

Without blinking, the brunette whipped out one of his handguns, unloaded a round into the cup, and holstered it just as quickly.

"MY RAMEN!"

As Naruto bemoaned the loss of his ramen, his partner threw back the rest of his shake and moved over to the observation window, peering inside.

Were an average human to observe what was going on in the Ninth Drydock of Centralia's Secondary Shipyards, they would have sworn that their minds were playing tricks on them and then proceed to the nearest hospital or go around screaming like their pants were on fire. However, Josh was no ordinary human.

This was the incomplete hulk of the soon-to-be privately commissioned EDF Strife. A single-class cruiser, she was to be equipped with two forward-mounted Mark III Core Cannons, two battle sets of Concussion Missiles, triple the standard combat load of Blaze Missiles, multiple sets of Close-Quarters Gauss Cannons, Mark X Antimatter Fusion Chambers, Mark XVI Energy Shields, fifteen AI slots, three backup Nuclear Fusion Chambers, two T-Bred Mark II Engines, and twenty feet of armor in critical areas. All in all, nearly three hundred thousand tons of metallic alloy. Far too much ship for the inner sanctum, but plenty for the less policed rim.

However, what made this ship unique was not the armor or weaponry that could have it fight an entire battle group to a standstill, but what was at the heart of it all.

For at the heart of the ship, was one of the five known fragments of the Tzu Gem, one of the Primary Guardian artifacts of legend. A stone that literally breathed and lived, it possessed enormous power and made sentient anything it touched.

The EDF Strife would literally come alive in a year.

As he watched, two more layers of armor plating was attached and wielded to the hull, increasing the armor of the starboard shuttle bay by about six inches.

Welding the armor plating to the hull was no mean feat, as each individual armored plate had to be custom designed, cut, tempered, fitted, layered with the rest, and finally sealed in place. With the power of the Tzu Gem backing it up, the ship would regularly shed damaged scales over time, replacing them with newer ones.

However, despite the ship being sentient, it could not control all of the advanced systems onboard. The Tzu Gem was a multi-million year old artifact whose original purpose was to animate golems and the such, not starships with enough firepower to vaporize two planetary systems without a blink. Also, despite the fact that AI normally helped to run the finer points of a ship, this time, the only organic crew onboard would be Josh and Naruto. No other crew had been added, allowing for him to pack the maximum firepower and defense into this design.

This meant that his one AI, Bonnie, couldn't cover it. Not with Engineering, Weapons, Life Support, Maintenance, Point-Defense, Communications, Docking, Logistics, and Maneuvering. Even an EAI would have problem keeping up with that much, even with a fully manned crew on a ship this size; and she had not been designed with something like this in mind.

The only practical solution?

More AIs.

However, AIs were highly controlled beings. Their creation and existence have always been shrouded in secrecy, and with a century-long waiting list for the next one, there was no way to obtain a reasonable number within a reasonable amount of time.

He had foreseen this, and taken steps to bypass it.

Several months prior to the laying of the keel of the Strife, Josh had picked up his equipment and paid a visit to the ship graveyard.

Now, according to official policy, when an AI-equipped ship was retired and sent to the graveyard, their AI and any useful equipment were to be removed and recycled if possible, if not, destroyed. However, all it would take is one faulty scan or miscount, and there would be something left behind.

In the first six hours alone, he had salvaged four usable AIs.

Now, granted, most of the ones that he found were first and second generation AIs, which were barely more then computers with personalities. However, waste not, want not and there was nothing stopping him from combining their processing powers for a low-priority process.

There proved to be yet another problem with these AIs. Since most of them were several hundred years old, they were quirky to work with at best.

Now, system quirks were workable. The hardware itself proved to be a much tougher nut to crack. Seeing as none of the first and second generation systems had been seen to be modernized, they suffered from the same problem as all early AIs. Bulky storage space.

The first AI had been stored on bulky silicon platters, all of which were extremely space-consuming. Soon after the second generation went online, there had been a massive movement away from silicon and into data crystals, which could still be found today.

However, with the advent of the twelfth generation AI, which was very close to true sentience, data storage had once again become a problem. Data crystals were no longer sufficing unless in massed amounts, and the database cores were starting to look like early AIs.

Then, one inspiring Guardian had hit upon the needed material. Using the best nature had to offer, copious amounts of plasma, Guardian Energy, and the latest in sealing techniques, he had created Laser-DNA, or LDNA for short.

DNA had long since been prized for its high data storage capacity and abundance, but it suffered from one major flaw. The strands of information could not be unzipped and rezipped fast enough to draw data from. When enzymes were used, they significantly lowered the loading time, but also cut back on shelf life.

However, with micro-diodes and ultra-precise lasers, a DNA strand could now be rapidly opened, read, and resealed with speeds equivalent or exceeding that of data crystals. The main drawback was the sheer price of one of these LDNA chips.

Cost was no prohibitive for Josh, and he had rapidly moved all of his present information onto LDNA chips, but there was a problem facing him now. The two technologies were simply incompatible.

Imagine, if you will, the difficulties of using a roughly hewn boulder in nanosurgery. That was the magnitude of the problem facing him.

Despite the fact that he was somewhat inferior to the fighting, tactics, and badass abilities of his father, the Silver Swordsman was no slouch when it came to IT. Having secured an antique mainframe from deep within one of his warehouses, he transferred the data onto the computers. From there, he hard-wired a transfer cable to a Data Crystal, and then onto a LDNA chip. To save space and increase processing power, he had four of the older AIs per chip,

The newer AIs, however presented a new challenge of their own.

Since AIs were highly controlled beings, they had built-in security, some of which could not be disabled from the outside. These showed where the programs were when they were activated, and who was doing the work. Throw in the fact that all AI had a direct link to a central computer, and using an unauthorized AI was neigh-on impossible without major modifications.

So, with the help of several high-powered lasers, a very reluctant Bonnie, and two high-powered magnets, he had dissected the AI cores, reconfigured their security, and sealed them back up.

Now, with ten fully-functioning AI in his pocket, along with several extra LDNA cores, the Strife would fly when it was complete. _I'll see to it myself._

* * *

"Fox Three! Fox Three! Splash one bandit! Ground team, give me a sit-rep!"

"_It's not a ground team, Josh. It's just me and my Kage Bunshin._"

"Close enough. Bon-bon and I have splashed all bandits in the area. We're at Bingo fuel and near Winchester, though. Returning to carrier for resupply."

"_What? Bullshit! You carry enough missiles in that thing to blow up the fucking Death Star if you needed to! And you've got a fusion reactor onboard! You don't run out of fuel!"_

Josh would have rubbed the bridge of his nose had it not been covered with his helmet. "Naruto. I am not going to use a fucking _nuke_ in a goddamned _dogfight_! And I can't use the fusion engines, considering that they have the dogfighting ability of a dead puppy. I'm RTB. ETA round trip thirty minutes. Continue toward the primary objective."

"_Roger that. Ki out_."

The brunette snapped off his radio, set scanners to passive, pulled the stick up, and lit the fusion reactors, streaking toward the carrier that was hovering in a Geostationary orbit at over Mach Fifteen.

"_Major. Respond._"

He groaned and snapped the radio back on. "Major Badass speaking. Who am I talking to?"

"_Is that your last name, Major?_"

"No, it is _not_ my last name. Though I wish it was."

"_Don't give me lip, Major! This is Vice Admiral Tenkawa-_"

"Ah, yes, _Vice Admiral Tenkawa_, you should know that my last name is classified to one with even such lofty ranks as yourself."

"_I'll have you on report before you can open that smug-_"

"Again, you currently have no authority over me, as I am on an official mission as given to me from the Seventh Director himself. And as for my lip, take it up with him. He's the one that taught me my manners for respecting authority."

"_I'll have your stripes-_"

"Go ahead. I'd love to see you try to top the report that I got after I smacked a _Fleet Admiral_ for making a stupid decision."

"…_How the hell did you get away with that?_

"Still confuses me to this day. I mean, it couldn't be because of my _credentials_…"

"_Go ahead._"

"Well, where should I begin… I suppose that I'm the son of one "Colonel Jack Zhang", otherwise known as the "Unstoppable", and known in the military as "Crazy Blackjack". I'm a member of The Ten, the ninth youngest ever to achieve Sacred Guardian, I've risen to the rank of Major as a Guardian in a little over eight hundred years, another record, and I have a partner who would likely shred your guts before I got a chance to, Naruto Uzumaki, A.K.A. Orange Lightning… Should I go on?"

"_No… no, I get your point. The Director is unlikely to pin his own nephew down. And a member of The Ten to boot… forgive me, sir._"

"Nah… don't worry about it. So, what do you have for me, sir? A message from my uncle?"

"_No… it's a directive from Military High Command, Major. I suppose the Director may have had something to do with it, but he's not on here at all. Beaming your orders to you now._"

"Appreciate it, Admiral. Just a word of advice for a noob. Be careful here. Not everyone acts their rank and some of them get quite violent. Major Badass, out."

"_Major Badass, huh? More like Major Dumbass, if you ask me_…"

"SHUT UP, NARUTO!"

* * *

"Remind me why we're here again, Naruto."

"Beats me." He said, taking a slurp of his ramen. "We finally get through the hail of murderous gunfire, without your help, I might add, blow a hole in the side of the fortress, take the inside, and just as I'm about to take another marked kill, you show up and say we gotta go, steal my kill, pull me into your jet, and take off for high orbit. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE. WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME?"

Instead of responding, the swordsman pulled out a scroll, threw it at Naruto, and started on his own food.

"FUCK! QUICK, SHOOT ME!"

"We've tried that already. It doesn't work too well…"

"Then use the Emergency Anti-Fangirl Mag! JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

"We've tried that too. It still doesn't work too well."

"I DON'T CARE! JUST DO SOMETHING! SHE'S GOING TO EAT ME!"

"Very well, very well… keep your pants on. Taking them off is _her_ job."

Josh casually reached over and knocked the side of the wall with one gauntleted fist, taking out a pre-fixed ring in the side of the structure. He whipped out his rifle, ejected the clip and round from the holder, slipped a marked one in, took casual aim, and unloaded the gun through the holes.

"There. Done. Now, start-"

Too late. Naruto was already gone.

"Running… Well, that didn't take long."

Just as he finished talking, footsteps could be heard charging down the hallway, and a split second later, the door banged open to reveal a teenaged girl with a mild resemblance to Josh, except the fact that she was in a sky-blue dress, bouncing everywhere.

"Where's my Nar-Nar?"

The swordsman rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly and pointed out the wall. "Somewhere over the rainbow. The Emergency Anti-Fangirl Mag. Good luck."

"Distance will not stop me from reuniting with my Nar-Nar! I'm coming, darling!"

And with that, she disappeared as well.

"Great. Now I have _two_ retards to deal with… who the hell blew Kami to come up with this shit?"

* * *

"Director, I know that you _really_ hate me, but can you ask your daughter to please STOP MOLESTING ME!"

Josh and his uncle sighed. Under normal circumstances, this would be funny as hell. Naruto and his allergic reaction to fangirls were always amusing, but this was a blood relative they were talking about here. The Director's daughter and Josh's cousin, Natalie.

"Alright, Nat. Let go of him."

Natalie stuck her tongue out at her cousin. "NO, YOU BIG MEANIE! I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN OVER A CENTURY!"

"And with good reason. Every time you get anywhere near him, he proceeds to lose his ribs and spinal cord repeatedly. Not to mention that you attempt to sneak into his bed at any cost. I'm surprised that uncle's not a grandfather yet. Naruto's a ninja, but even ninjas have to sleep sometime…"

The director looked like an overinflated bullfrog. "Natalie… why haven't I heard about this? And why the hell haven't you told me sooner, Josh? I could have stopped it!"

"Not _likely_… if you can't stop your daughter from cracking my ribs when she's right in front of you, you wont be able to stop her from raping me at night… HELP! I CAN'T BREATHE…"

"Nat, if you don't stop sitting on his chest, not only will you suffocate him, but our next mission will be that much harder. Get off my partner and sit down before I gut you like a fish. That's usually Naruto's line, but seeing as he's a bit short on air right now, I'll have to say it for him."

"NO!"

Before she could say another word, Josh had stood up, bent over, and picked up his much smaller cousin up by the scruff of her neck, holding her in midair. "Alright, Director. Make the briefing quick. I'm not sure how long I can hold her."

The director coughed and pulled out one of the scrolls he was so fond of. "Ahem. All right, you three. This is a mission request that I've been handed personally."

"What, like the last one that you gave us with that old geezer friend of yours?"

He sniffed. "It's not _my_ fault if Albus decided to go home and get old. Really, he should still be around my age."

"But he bit the bucket, right?"

"It's _kicked_ the bucket and _bit_ the dust, Naruto. Get your sayings right…"

"That's my Nar-Nar!"

"For the love of Kami, someone SHUT HER UP!"

"No can do, blondie. You'll have to do it yourself. You know how hard that is."

Naruto paled and backed off. "On second thought-"

"There was a first thought?"

"I can live with the noise for now."

"Will you all… please… SHUT UP!"

There was silence. Instantaneously. Despite that all of the other three guardians present were all extremely powerful and feared beings in their own right, when the normally bored director spoke like that; it was in your best interest to listen quietly.

"Now, if there was nothing better to do, I'd seal you all in a dimension and leave you there for a few years, go back in, and sluice through the pieces. But I've got more urgent business today. An old superior of mine is requesting three high-powered bodyguards for one of her agents. And since Natalie has just finished the first leg of her Divine Guardian training, I thought I might put Squad Lightning on the task. Consider this a working vacation. Are there any objections?"

Of course, there were plenty. But a scary director is a bad director, so they said nothing and charged out of the room, looking glad to be gone.

As the door closed, the director took out a bottle of whiskey and had a long draught. "I'm getting too old for this shit…"

* * *

Josh bashed on a door, one hand on his rifle. "Jabba! Open up! It's Josh!"

Nothing came from behind the door for a few seconds, then a small panel opened up in the reinforced steel. "How do I know it's you?"

The brunette impatiently ripped the hammer off his belt, waving it in front of the man's eyes. "HELLO? Mjolinr? Who else can wield it without a million bolts of lightning coming down and frying their balls?"

"Thor could, if he was still around. Come on in, but make it quick. I've got live ones in the back."

"What the hell did you buy this time?" he said, stepping inside and switching on his night-vision filter.

"Gorgon Eggs. Really valuable stuff, but we can't hold it for too long; they'll hatch. So, what can I do for you? Do you have my money?"

Josh threw a stuffed envelope over to Jabba, who snatched it and put it away without counting. "That's not the only thing I'm here for. How long until the Strife is ready to cast off?"

The bald man bit his lip and pulled a rolled piece of paper from a stack on a shelf, unrolling it and smoothing down the corners with weights and tracing a finger down some of the plans. "Let's see here… Her decks up through C-Deck are done. Despite the fact that you and your partner are to be the only crew, we have to build decks for power issues. Solid Titanium gets really heavy after a while, and it's harder to disperse heat in solid metal. We've still got to install her Electronic Warfare Package, the Antimatter Fusion Core, the power components of the core cannons, the rest of the decks, most of the circuitry, a good chunk of the armor plating, and the energy shield… ten months, give or take a few days, at the current rate of work."

Josh copied the man's actions, prodding at the designs. "How fast could you have it go?"

Jabba snorted and rolled up the blueprints, slotting them back into place. "I could have it done by next week if I wasn't afraid of being caught by the authorities. You know what you're doing is strictly forbidden."

"It's not going to be forbidden for long. New regulations are on their way through right now…"

The bald man shook his head. "Typical. Something's forbidden, and you just push it aside like it wasn't there. Squad Lightning's gonna get caught with their pants down one day, and it's going to be major trouble."

"Nah. Anyway, how much would it be to speed it up to the next week date?"

"You couldn't pay me enough to. There's a reason we built it in a semi-abandoned naval base. If central caught on to this-"

"Which they have no reason to. All of the stealth packages are working, aren't they?"

"There is no such thing as true stealth, Josh. Your aircraft is still detectable by low-frequency radars, infrared, neutron detectors, and the naked eye. That is, unless you've been making upgrades…"

"Hmm… what would you say if I were to tell you-"

"Wait, no. Don't tell me. You disassembled it and reverse engineered it, right?"

"Not exactly… what would you say if Naruto-"

"You've gotta be kidding me. Naruto's about as technologically minded as a dead fox. You do realize that you're essentially riding on an armed fusion bomb right now?"

"Yeah… but where's the fun in life without a little risk?"

"It's not my hide on the line. But if you want to pay for a few more stealth packages, we can have the Strife done in three months. Of course, this isn't going to come cheaply."

"How much?"

Jabba took a pen from his ear, did a few figures on a scrap piece of paper, circled something, and pushed it over to Josh. "That much."

"Ho-ly Shit. That is _a lot_ of money."

"Hey, stealth packages aren't cheap! I have to import them from the rim, since they're technically illegal to manufacture and own."

"Whatever. Just have it done by next week. I want to have the shakedown done before my next mission."

"And when is that?"

"Next week. I'll pay double."

Jabba snorted. "Not likely. Four times. Take it or leave it."

"Three times and a favor. _You_ take it or leave it."

"Deal."

"Nice doing business with ya. I'll find my own way out."

As Josh stepped back outside, the cracking of eggs rang though the air. He sighed, locked down his helmet, hopped back in his jet, lit the engines, and blasted off the asteroid. "Crazy man…"

* * *

"For the last _fucking_ time, Naruto, I don't know when the fuck we're going to get there! QUIT ASKING ME!"

"I WOULDN'T ASK-" the blond yelled, straining to get away, "IF _YOUR_ FUCKING COUSIN WASN'T THE ONE TRYING TO RAPE ME!"

"Meh… suck to be you."

The mostly fitted _Strife_ bubbled and hissed as she finished the last of the outer layers, adjusting for camouflaged outer layers. Inside, on the bridge, Naruto clung to the back of the command chair as Natalie attempted to drag him off for her own purposes. Josh was under one of the consoles with a soldering iron and two chips, trying to decide which one would fit.

_Jabba's a slippery bastard…_ he mused as he soldered one of the chips in. _The Strife technically is finished, but without any advanced avionics or the combat commands installed, she might as well be an oversized tug. At least he had the decency to leave me the stuff needed… Will they please keep it down!_

"I WANT CHILDREN!"

"AND I DON'T!" Naruto shouted right back, Uzu sighing from his perch on the wall. "WHAT PART OF THAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!"

"Nat, give it up. He's not going to agree. Never has, never will. Accept that fact and move on with your life. Now shut up. I have four days to get the rest of this ship hooked up, including the cannons. The director wants us to take her out and see what we can do with the new Dimension Jumping Matrix that central that just made. Fucking central technology…"

As he spoke, Natalie took Naruto's headband off, and after taking a _very_ deep whiff, chucked it at her cousin, who caught it. "You'll have to do better than th-"

_**CLONK!**_ One of Naruto's Fuma Shuriken bounced off his armor.

"That."

_**Boom!**_ A kunai with an exploding tag wrapped around the handle detonated off his armor's shields, causing him to blink.

_**Crackle!**_ She had squeezed Naruto so hard that he unconsciously let off a burst of Phoenix Flame, which Josh casually deflected with one hand.

"Come on. You hate dimension jumping, and if I don't calibrate this right, we'll all die. Let the idiot go so that he can check the engine room. I've got an abnormality on one of the backup cooling systems."

"I'll go with him!"

"Then Uzu goes with you." He said firmly. "I _don't_ need you getting pregnant on this trip. I _don't_ trust you not jumping him while he's looking at a couple of bolts."

"… Do I have to?"

"Do _you_ _want_ _me_ to put out your guts and feed them to the dogs?"

"… Touché. Well, if I have to. Come on, sooner we get down there, the sooner we get back and I can relax. Comon, you two lovebirds."

"SEE! EVEN A PART OF YOU CALLS US DESTINED TO BE!"

"GODDAMNIT UZU! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Josh chuckled as the three left the bridge, Natalie chasing one of the blonds, the other one chuckling and trailing behind, within striking range. No matter what he said, Uzu was still faithful to Naruto, considering the fact that he was a part of him. "Ah… never fails to crack me up." he sighed as he went back under the console, soldering on another board.

* * *

_Two Days Later. Local Time._

"Is something wrong, Kenichi?"

"Oh, nothing." he said, averting his gaze. "I guess that… this is all kinda hard to believe, I'd never imagine I'd have a girl like you making breakfast for me…"

Belldandy froze in her smile, a prickling on the back of her neck. "Something's coming…" she murmured, looking at the door.

"Ah, never mind, its nothing, really. Itadakimasu!"

"This is great!"

"Really? That's good!"

The grandfather clock, against all laws of grandfather clocks, chimed eight thirty in the morning. "Ah! I'm late! A lecture first block too."

"Was that the place we visited?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Just curious… Well, have a good day! I'll be waiting!"

"Yeah…" Kenichi said as he slipped on his helmet, picked up his books, started up the bike, waving goodbye to Belldandy as he pulled away.

Three shafts of blinding light, the trademark entry vector for guardians, blazed down into the backyard, dropping Josh and Natalie smoothly onto gravel while Naruto got stuck in a tree.

"FUCKING HELL! WHY DO I ALWAYS GET STUCK IN A GODDAMN MESS! AND DON'T COME UP HERE UNLESS YOU WANT A RASENGAN IN YOUR FACE, NATALIE!"

The Silver Swordsman chuckled. "No, but she does want your balls in her face… Ah, now, let me see here…"

As Natalie attempted to scale the tree, dodging Bullet Rasengans, Uzu landed in a lackluster fashion, coming to a smooth stop on top of the pond. "… Wow. Seriously? Already?"

"UZU! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE! HELP ME!"

As the separate fragment of his personality sighed and went over to help, Josh finally dug out the scroll that had been left at his door two weeks ago. "Now, let me see here." He murmured, not paying any attention to Naruto, who had conjured a wooden bat the size of a telephone pole and was now attempting to swat Natalie off of the side of the tree, but only managing to hit Uzu, who was now swearing profusely.

"Ahem." Josh coughed, tossing the scroll in the air and scrolling down with his finger. "Ah. From the Seventh Director of all Guardians, I bid you welcome. This is Unofficial Training Mission J-72-CCS, assigned to the Complete Squad Lightning. Naruto Uzumaki, Josh (Last Name Classified), and Natalie (Last Name Classified), are here to protect the 'Goddess' Belldandy and any compatriots she may or may not have designated. Note that this is an Unofficial Mission, and as such, there is a time limit of Fifty Years. Due to the fact that this is a training mission, the Phoenix Cutter, Dragon Claw, Sacred Bunker Buster, Divinity Shadowsphere, and Silver Lightning are off limits unless prior notice is given, and/or the Ranking Member determines that it is necessary. PIIR and AM are not allowed unless the conditions above are met. This mission was approved by the Seventh Director and was requested by… Fucking wow…"

The other three guardians stopped fighting to listen in momentarily. Despite the fact that there was nobody else there, regulations stated that the mission scroll had to be read out.

"Requested by Her Madam Kami, Middle God. No part of the assigned dimension is aware of your powers with the exception of the client's target. Exercise appropriate caution. With the best of wishes, The Seventh Director. P.S. If Natalie gets pregnant, you're out of a job. Well, damn. First time I've had a mission requested by a god. Too bad it's not an official one. I could afford to have the _Strife _completely refitted and upgraded to the latest arsenal…" he sighed, rolling up the mission briefing. "But as it is, all we're gonna get is some pocket change. Just to cover the damn expenses. All right, you two. Let's go find the mark. I told the _Strife_ to drop us near the target- HEY! PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!"

"SHES THE ONE WHO FUCKING TOOK THEM OFF!"

"… and you call yourself a ninja."

"SEE THIS?" Natalie squealed, trying to reach Naruto's family jewels, and would have succeeded had it not been for the seal warding off unwanted contact that he had placed there some nine hundred years ago for insurance. "THIS IS MINE! THIS IS WHERE MY CHILDREN WILL COME FROM!"

"NOT ON MY WATCH AND MY LICENSE AT STAKE! GET OFF OF HIM THIS INSTANT, OR I'LL USE FORCE!"

"Like you can touch me anymore, Josh. I've long since exceeded your level."

"Let's find out, then. Come on." He said, taunting her. "Try using the Divinity Shadowsphere without powering up. Cuz I know you can't. I can use a form of the Dragon Claw in my base form. Well? BRING IT! SACRED GUARDIAN ART: DRAGON CLAW!"

"FINE! SACRED GUARDIAN ART: KRAKEN PULSE!"

The two opposing bolts of energy and blades met with a deafening crash, and had Josh not set up the energy and medium suppressing barrier, would have had the JSDF on the doorstep in about fifteen minutes.

"Sacred Guardian Art: ORANGE LIGHTNING!"

"… Initial Guardian Art: Phoenix Firestorm…"

"GODDAMNIT UZU! IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING, PUT SOME FUCKING FEELING INTO IT!"

"… Meh. I can't be bothered."

The three attacks, each of which, if used correctly, could shatter the Earth, pulsed slightly and then exploded, which sent all four figures flying, crashing through various barriers before arresting their flights, and returning to the point of origin.

"_THIS_ is why Squad Lightning is always incomplete. If you're not off doing your Divine Guardian Training, or Naruto's in therapy after one of your fangirl attacks, I'm defending him from you, which results in huge explosions! You two can do this after we finish this job. After that, it's out of my hands. Go give Uncle all the grandchildren you want. Just not on missions, all right?"

"YAY! You promise?"

Josh shuddered. "Nat, you know full well that both Naruto and I have developed an extreme resistance to puppy dog eyes. All that does now is creep us out."

"Promise?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah. While we're not on missions. Naruto. Reserve missions until we retire."

The blond, who had drawn his own sword and was chanting to imbue the blade with energy to strike down his traitorous partner, scowled and released the energy. "Fucking traitor. UZU!"

The other blond walked over, yawning. "… what is it, boss?"

"Take the brig from Josh and set it up in that Koi pond. Go in and reinforce the sealing system and put one around my room. I don't trust her."

Uzu nodded, accepted the briefcase sized box from Josh, tossed it in the pond, then dove headfirst onto it, disappearing from sight as he phased through and into the box.

"Now…" Josh muttered as he rolled the battered scroll and sealed it away with a flick of the wrist. "Let's find our client. Where could they…"

Uzu's hand emerged, and with it, a nimbus of light from the inside, pointing directly behind them, in a very obvious 'Thata way' signal.

"Huh. Thata way? Let's see here…"

The three of them turned around to see a curious Belldandy looking over at them. Natalie, in the confusion, had managed to latch onto his leg and he was now attempting to shake her off with little success.

"Would anyone mind telling me why the client always spots us first, and while we're fighting?"

"I would tell you, but then I'd have to cut your throat with my giant-ass sword!"

"Uhh, that's my giant-ass sword you're talking about."

"Nar-Nar has a bigger sword then you do! You're just making up for what you don't have!"

"That's it. You are _so_ going on report when we get back."

Natalie stuck her tongue out at her cousin and proceeded to try to lick Naruto, who kicked her away and drew his sword. "GET OFF OF ME!" With that, he dove into the seal, disappearing with Natalie hammering on the border, trying to break through.

"Why the hell I put up with those two is _still_ beyond me." Josh sighed, popping a cigar, then checking the motion. He had caught flak with previous clients for smoking while on the job. "I assume by your lack of screaming and running away that you're Belldandy?"

She nodded and smiled. "Would you like a cup of tea?"

* * *

Josh declined the tea, opting instead for a nice beer from his stash. Natalie, always a caffeine junkie, took hers, gulped it down, and popped a Cappuccino from her stash. Only Naruto took the tea and sipped it, having been drilled by Tsunade and Shizune on the right manners.

Well. Sort of.

"More tea, please!"

"Hai!"

"Uhh, Naruto, not to cut you off or anything, but that's your sixty-fourth cup of tea. Don't you think you're overdoing it by just a _bit_?"

Naruto shrugged and returned to his tea.

"Anyway…" Josh sighed, pulling out a box sealed with an intricate layer of seals. "Ranking Member orders were to give this to you when we located you. Apparently, it's a message of some sort, but we're not allowed to open it. If you would…"

Belldandy took the box and touched the middle of the seal. At once, the characters swirled and squiggled off of the top just enough to where she could slip one hand into the box and withdraw a piece of paper.

She quickly read it, rolled it up, and bowed to the three of them. "I thank you for coming to protect me, but it is not necessary. Kenichi and I-"

"You may be a goddess, but your boyfriend sure as hell isn't. Our orders are to stay here and protect you and any other people you deem worth protecting. Within reasonable bounds, of course."

"That includes your boyfriend!" Natalie piped up.

"Shut up, Nat. Nobody asked you."

Belldandy blushed. "Well, we're not really-"

"It's settled then. Natalie here will be staying with you. Naruto and I are going to go camp out in The Brig."

"Why can't I go with you?" The said guardian whined.

Naruto shuddered. "Cuz you would rape me if we let you. Besides. Boy's club only. No girls allowed. We'll come back up for training and food, but we'll be staying down there."

"Not me." Josh said, crushing his beer can. "I'm taking a nice long nap after that last mission."

"You mean the one where I did all the work?"

"Yeah. And I scored the final kill. That was plenty of work for me."

The blond sighed and gestured. Uzu poked his head in, ramen held at the ready. "…You know, when I agreed to travel with you, I thought it would be great. You know, see some new lands, meet some women, relax on beaches, and you know, stuff like that. Instead, I'm thrown into combat, get stabbed on a monthly basis, used as target practice, and wind up being your personal butler. Not cool, man."

Josh whistled. "Dude. That has got to be the most you've ever said in one go. I'm going to go call the Guinness Book of World Records, right now."

Naruto snorted, accepting the ramen. "World records? More like a nap. Well, I'm outta here. Natalie, you're on protection duty."

"But I want to be with you, Nar-nar!"

"Nuh-uh. Besides, look at me." He raised both his arms. "I'm a guy. She's a girl. We don't mix that well, especially not all day. Now, I'm off for a nice snack." And with that, he walked out, Uzu in tow, the former transforming into his older self to avoid suspicion.

"Nar-Nar!" Natalie cried, and chased him out the door, leaving a bemused Belldandy behind.

* * *

Author's Note:

Yo, all.

The Second of the new pieces. Sorry for the shitty introduction, but i'm very limited on time. If you want a more detailed A/N, head on over to Timeless Chapter XXII.

Just remember, i'm doing this to scatter writer's block!

Until Next Time,

Xingster

P.S. OMAKE IN CHAPTER XXII!

P.P.S! REVIEW, PEOPLE! REVIEW!

Modification 8/18/11: Fixed some typos.


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